|Writing Challenge 2
||[Oct. 4th, 2011|10:19 pm]
Technically this was the 4th writing challenge offered up to me on Facebook by none other than my friend the psychopathic homicidal duck bomb, with whom I wrote just...scores of strange tales with. I wanted to get to the other ones tonight but the lap top screen is starting to hurt the back of my brain and my keyboards got lit keys so when I look at them they start to...breath and become abnormally clear and i can feel the whites of my eyes being...touched by-OH GOD NOOOO IT'S HAPPENING AGAAAIIIIN AHHHHH-please do not this body of work or any original ideas contained within it without first asking and receiving permission and crediting me. I know where you live.
Here He Comes To Save The Daaaay!
"I AM MIGHTY GREEN." The words echoed throughout the parking complex, inhabited only by a few run-down looking vehicles and an 8 foot tall green lollipop standing in the exact center of the edifice. It had no distinguishing features aside from its ridiculous size and the fact that it was able to stand on its own. After several moments of silence, the voice rang out seemingly from all sides of the perfectly spherical green top of the mystery candy. "I AM MIGHTY GREEN." Seeing as the parking lot was devoid of any life, there was no response. Several minutes of silence and it called out again, louder now, so that its white waxen poll seemed to vibrate with the effort. "I AM MIGHTY GREEN." Somewhere in the parking garage, a car alarm went off.
-In Canada there was a moose. It was a regular moose, standing as tall a moose does. Eating the usual moose food like catkins and water lilies. A perfectly normal moose, standing in normal Canadian wilderness water, eating normal water plants, lifting its big antler heavy head out of the wate-OH MY GOD IT HAS THE BIGGEST MUSTACHE. IT IS LIKE SO HUGE, WOW, THIS IS A SERIOUSLY INTIMIDATING MUSTACHE, IT'S ALL PROPER 'N SHIT, LIKE WAXED AND HANDLE-BAR'ED. BUT I digress. This moose has a really sweet 'stache. And he knows it. He really takes care of it too, for example, since he can't get his hooves on real mustache wax, he rubs his face on turtles! He does, the gently holds them to the ground with one front hoof, and just...nuzzle the shit out of turtles until he gets enough turtle wax to be able to work his austere facial hair into whatever he desires. Today, he desires a handle bar moustache. Yesterday it was a sweet fu manchu.
"OH GOD NOOOOO!"
"SOMEBODY SAVE MY CHILD!!"
"HOLY HI-JINKS BATM-OW!"
"SHUT UP NOBODY LIKES YOU!"
"OH JEESUS THERE IT GOES AGAIN, WILL NO ONE SAVE US FROM THIS...duck..."
In the middle of some random back woods elementary school. During a family assembly...thing. I don't know what those things are called, but it's after school and your parents have to attend and all the kids go and run off to the play ground together. During one of those things, this huge duck just waddles in to the school. Mind you, the school has all the usual amenities of every other child-keeping facility. Ten foot chain-link fence, security cameras. Razor wire. Guard towers. So the fact that the duck just waddled in means that the gate to the parking lot was open. And no one's going to shoot a duck. In any case, what's it gonna do? Crap on the assembly building? It totally did that. And it did other stuff too. It waved its wings around and stood on one leg and ruffled up its feathers. And for a little while it seemed to be attempting to blow a raspberry. It just stood there with its tongue sticking out, exhaling so that its tongue kinda vibrated and it just sprayed spit everywhere. One of the teachers made an observation on the last act and the duck kicked her so hard she flew into the sky and became a star. Not the good kind either, the painful burning kind. Like space herpes. Still, no one did anything but scream. Which was cool because -oh, no, wait, that wasn't cool. It was, apparently a giant voice-activated waddling, biological bomb. So when everyone got all hysterical instead of evacuating the premises in a calm and orderly manner they basically promised themselves no more than a minute of life (and counting). According to the laws of reader interest though, all the kids evacuated in a calm and orderly manner. They were at the park several blocks away by the time the crap happy bomb was activated. Good for them.
-"I AM MIGHTY GREEN." Echoed out of the sky in a booming and authoritative voice just above the chaos riddled school of...Cali Calmecac (who names schools? I mean, seriously...). The easily 25 foot tall abnormally yellow duck looked up at the source of the noise, its head cocked to the left, one precious blue eye sharply surveying a green lollipop descend from the clouds that were quickly forming. Its gaze followed the candy to its landing just in front of the monstrous mallard. "I AM MIGHTY GREEN." It boomed again. Its stick arched slight, so the convex side pointed towards the duck as if to denote the lollipop looking up at it.
The duck's head snapped back to its forward position and it breathed in deeply, letting go a bellowing "QU-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!" Right at the conscious confection. But instead of intimidating and/or blowing it over, the force of the quack seemed to feed the self proclaimed 'MIGHTY GREEN' and within seconds he had grown to the height of the duck. With a confused expression on its face, the duck bomb muttered another "qu-wack" to itself. That turned out to be its biggest mistake. The green lollipop immediately grew another ten feet and bent its stick to glare down at the duck. And with a voice to shake the earth it stated very slowly and almost impatiently;
"I. AM. MIGHTY. GREEN."
"QU-WAAAAAAAAAACK" The psychopathic duck bomb roared back, lashing out at its enemy in an attempt to peck it violently even as it grew once more to who cares how awesomely big. Awesome in the proper sense, no less. It managed to peck at the lollipop's stick and pull away some paper but the thing didn't even seem to notice, it was too busy steadying itself as it bent back farther and farther until it made an almost perfect arch and it's green sphere of sugary what the fuck was inches from the asphalt.
"I-" It stated, wobbling slightly as it slowly came back up.
"-AM-" It picked up speed as the duck stared with its right eye in confused horror.
"-MIGHTY-" It stood up straight for a fraction of a second and its round shadow descended upon the doomed duck as its green sugary top quickly fell forward.
"-GREEN!!!" With an impact like a 16 ton wrecking ball being dropped without a chain it came down on the duck's head, smashing it between candy and ground for a brief moment before springing back again.
"I AM MIGHTY GREEN! I AM MIGHTY GREEN! I AM MIGHTY GREEN! I AM MIGHTY GREEN!" Over and over it declared in its authoritative boom as it punctuated every simple sentence by flinging its top-heavy self violently upon the more and more mutilated corpse of the giant yellow threat.
The scene was truly gruesome, long after the duck was clearly dead, the beating continued. Feathers, guts and bird poop were everywhere. Especially the poop. You never stop the think about it but, animals? Filled with poop. And that includes people too, but right now, duck guts, duck brains, duck feathers and duck POOP. Covering everything from the beat down crater in the ground that was no longer distinguishable as anything not completely disgusting, to the parking lot and assembly room. You couldn't even see the name of the school on the outside of the main (read: assembly/cafeteria/gym) building any more. Why? Blood. Guts. And poooooooop.
BUT ENOUGH OF THAT-
-Look at this moose. Just...look at him! I wish I had such a sweet 'stache...man! So. Awesome. I wonder what style he'll have it in tomorrow? There's just so much moustache! It could be anything...he could do, like...a Dali, or maybe a horseshoe, walrus...he could just let it go natural, just style it without the turtle wax. I mean, those turtles are getting kinda pissed...he could do like, a tooth brush moustache...an english handlebar...oooh! A windmill, he's totally got enough for a windmill. It is just. So. Majestic...